damekendra

Thinking of how I've allowed myself to be changed over the last decade, how much of myself I have stifled, suppressed and forgotten in order to make someone else happy....I find myself very wistful and nostalgic for my old self and my old friends. But I am not who or what I was, and in some ways that's good. I was a much more self centered and thoughtless, not to mention naive, person then. I regret the petty emotions that resulted in hurting people I loved, and still love. I long for the love and friendship of people that I long ago lost touch with.What can I say, I was young and foolish. I've made some attempts to renew contact and regain friendships, and some of those efforts have been successful, to my everlasting gratitude. But it's true, you can't go home again, and time may heal some things, but others are irrevocably changed and can never be recaptured. I want so badly to show some of those people the positive changes I've made, that I am a wiser, better, and more thoughtful person than I was. But at the same time I don't have quite the boundless, bubbling joy in life I once had either. I've sobered some. So. I am now on a quest. I am searching for the parts of myself that gave me my greatest happiness. The bits and pieces and chunks of me that got buried or tossed aside because they were uncomfortable for my husband, my family or me to deal with. I've not lost it all but too much and too many have fallen to the wayside of the road to today. Too much wheat has been tossed out with the chaff. Too many people, interests and hobbies have been set aside when they should have been kept and nurtured and appreciated. If you're reading this and feel that you are one who has been set aside or forgotten I must honestly and sincerely offer my apology and my love and hope you accept one, the other or both. We can either pick up where we left off or start fresh and new, whatever works. I'm open...